i am a fine white woman

so, i've been trying to take the bus to work once a week. there's a lot of positives to this. i'm reduing my gas consumption by about 20% and therefore can feel about 20% less responsible for the dead u.s. soldiers and iraqis. i'm contributing less to the global warming problem. i'm getting more exercise. i'm catching up on my podcasts. i'm getting out in my community more. and, this is the best one, i'm getting the chance to talk to crazy people!

so, i'm waiting for my bus yesterday after work and this lovely drunk gentleman called tony came up to me to chat. i thought i was about to get hit up for some cash or maybe get to talked to about jesus, but he wanted to tell me how beautiful i was and how i was "his type" of woman. i politely thanked him for his compliment, i mean, why be rude, and was rewarded with about 10 minutes of what tony thought was a quite witty chatting up. boy was he drunk. he could stand up pretty straight, but the verbal faculties were quite impaired! so, apparently, i am a fine white woman. no, it's true! tony was (and probably still is) black, so he felt that he needed to lean in to reveal the secret that i was white when he told me that, thus giving me the full benefit of the alcohol fumes coming off him. i'm surprised i wasn't drunk after the end of the conversation. so the conversation carried on in that vein for a while, with him telling me how he was just drawn to me and that i was totally his type of woman. when i told him that i was my husband's type of woman, too, he went off on that for a while. my husband is apparently blessed, and i heartily agreed to that! tony invited me to dinner. he would love to take me out to italian food and let me do the ordering...he would buy me "spaghetti, fettucine, fetaroni, everything!" he then told me that he was a burnt out pimp and i was, like, so waiting for him to try to turn me out, but, alas, tony was a bit of a joker, and recanted on the pimp story pretty quickly. i was very disappointed and tony really blew it, because i would have actually taken him out for a fetaroni dinner if i could have talked to a burnt out pimp! anyway, after a few more minutes on the subject of how nicely i was built (i am apparently solid) and some attempts to give me his phone number, tony announced that he had to leave. "i've been drinking some beers," he explained. "really?" i replied, the irony being a tad lost on him. "yeah, i have to pee." and then he walked off. i love the bus!

if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem

an inconvenient truth. see this movie.

pears

to quote eddie izzard: "pears can just fuck right off. they're either a rock or they're mush." i have three pear rocks on my desk that i have been waiting to ripen since i bought them on monday. the good thing is, i'm armed if anyone tries to attack me in my office. the bad thing is, i'm hungry. fuck off, you pears.

chuy

meet my new office mate, chuy the fish:

file this one under...

... the "what the hell is wrong with japanese people" category.

first, a clip from a japanese television show in which 6 guys have to do "dares" in a library and keep quiet the whole time. very odd. the best part happens around 8m 30s, but the whole thing is pretty entertaining.



then, an oldie, but a goodie: japanese girl band in meat helmets with komodo dragon.

A true LA moment

Homeless guy stopping traffic to a dead halt while he crosses an intersection...diagonally.

Sent wirelessly via BlackBerry from T-Mobile.

weak from the cute

from our friends at cute overload:




this was so cute, i practically fell out of my chair.

another reason to choose an absentee ballot

diebold strikes again.

you will laugh

so, the people over at the apprentice must be totally scraping the bottom of the barrel for contestants to go on their lame-ass show. check out the email that i got sent through our firm's martindale-hubbell listing:

Dear Ms. [MalteseParakeet]: The sixth season of NBC's The Apprentice with Donald Trump is looking for a top-notch attorney to compete to become the next CEO of the Trump Organization. This season will be based in Los Angeles and we need phenomenal lawyers to represent our fine city. Please contact the casting director, [name withheld to protect the innocent] at [email withheld for same reason] as soon as possible to receive more information. Must be available to meet with producers this Sunday, May 7th in Santa Monica.

now i am not disputing the fact that i am a top notch attorney. however, what on god's green earth would an immigration attorney know about running a real estate company? for f's sake, people, do some research. it would be fun to go to the casting call to make fun of all the people who seriously think going on the apprentice would be a good idea, but i don't think that's worth wasting my whole sunday on.

we'll miss her

in honor of sue

d'oh

now, i'm not saying i know the luke perry stalker, but ...

new blogger

everyone let's welcome my friend wendleburger to the blogosphere. do check out her blog "things that drive me nuts," which i've also added to the handy links section on the right. she's a real cool chick, and damn hilarious to boot, so be on the lookout for oodles of cool content from her in the future.

only in hollywood, part deux

in response to my "only in hollywood" post, my friend wxh sent me this email:

OH MY GOD those guys are my neighbors... they park the hearse on [street],right between [here] and [there]. One of them is from Iowa, hence the Iowa tags on the hearse. They actually walk around like that during the day as well.... one of my dogs always barks at them if we pass them in the street..and one time when they were getting out of the hearse, one of them dropped his burger on the floor and my other dog rushed at it, and ate it....the guy was pissed!!!!! I actually saw one of them in full "dress" coming out of the Jon's supermarket on Fountain/La Brea, with a bag of groceries. The very idea that Vampires go out in broad daylight and buy milk and a dozen eggs - OY !!

Oy, indeed.

more bruins basketball and then i'll shut up, i promise

so, the bunk & i were lucky enough to go to the men's basketball banquet last night, which was, in a word, cool. the best moment of the evening was when coach howland was extolling the virtues of cedric bozeman and said, "arron got in foul trouble early on in the gonzaga game, so ced had the tough job of guarding the ncaa's leading scorer, adam morrison. he held him below his average...and made him cry." [insert resounding cheer from the audience here]

mao is spinning in his grave

thanks to mefi for this fabulous link. now i don't really think anyone should get me this for my birthday, but, it would be cool.

now that's what i call green fuel

http://www.csmonitor.com/2006/0111/p01s03-sten.html

only in hollywood

so, it's about midnight on a thursday night and we're driving home from the thomas dolby show on the sunset strip in hollywood (which was great, btw). anyway, we're stopped at the light at the intersection where the whisky-a-go-go is and i look over and see this band (in full costume and makeup) loading all their gear ... into a hearse. it was the funniest thing i have ever seen. here are these guys who have put all this effort into their death metal persona (i'm talking floor-length goth coats, full vampire makeup, shaved heads, the works) and here they are schelpping their own gear after the show. i guess they thought they were keepin' it real with their hearse and their coffin shaped guitar cases, but the effect was nothing short of hilarious.

things i hate...

...people who talk on their cel phones while they are in a stall in a public bathroom. hate that. really hate that.

separated at birth?

could one of my favorite chefs (alton brown) and one of my favorite musicians (thomas dolby) be separated at birth? you be the judge.

so anyway, thomas dolby is touring and he's going to be in l.a. next week and i was able to get tickets. yay! a little too young to see him tour the first time around, i'm really looking forward to this. i look fondly upon "eruopa and the pirate twins" as one of my first favorite alternative songs during my formative musical years.

anyone have any news on english beat getting back together?

finally

the japan trip pics (mine only) are up on my flickr. check out the set.

bear surprise

bear surprise. if this doesn't make you laugh, nothing will...

in the "reasons why i hate my job category"

department of homeland security deputy press secretary arrested for trying to seduce what he thought was a 14 year old girl online. he sent "her" porn video clips and told her he worked for homeland security. how fucking stupid do you have to be?

i am the bruin faithful...

...and i watched the whole game and i am very sad right now.

BRUINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

National Championship Baby!!! OK, so it's 2 am, but i had a thing to do tonite and just got finished watching the game and then the call to Daven in Tokyo. BRUINS! I can't believe it! Actually, yes I can! Go Bruins! I picked 'em to go all the way in my brackets (and so did Dani) and that's because I have been watching them all season and I believe! I AM the Bruin faithful. I believe. I belive in Farmar, Aflalo, Mbah a Moute, Bozeman, Mata, Roll, Collison, Aboya and Hollins! It's a magical march to a national championship! I believe, baby! We came out and played! Offense and defense. We put those LSU Tigers to shame. Big Baby was just that, a big baby. Nothing from him - 5 for 17 from the field. Our big guys inside shut him down. Luc with 17 points and 9 rebounds. Mata in there playing big with his broken nose. Defense shut them down! Hollins playing hurt. Coach Howland, being classy and always thinking about the next game. Kareem and Reggie Miller in the house couldn't hurt either. Like Jordan said, "Playing hard and playing together." Luc said the after the Memphis game, we have the best fans in the country, and it's true! We are one victory away from our 12th national championship! Bring it home guys, number 12!

home

home safe and sound and just up from a long nap in my comfy bed.

pandemonium in the band section

check out the view from the band section as we won the sweet 16 game against gonzaga...



and the tv view...

some initial kyoto pics

got into tokyo on saturday night and then took the shinkansen (bullet train) to kyoto on sunday morning. here's a few snaps from kyoto.

a cemetery at the chion-in buddhist temple...



mina & daven & steve in our room at the ryokan...



the garden off our room at the ryokan...



and geisha in motion...

feet

feet
Originally uploaded by lornababy.

tired feet

subway

subway
Originally uploaded by lornababy.

daven on the oedo line.

more sakura

pic_0086.jpg
Originally uploaded by lornababy.

and a weird golden radish thing at the asahi biru building in tokyo.

sakura

cherry blossoms in roppongi hills

it could be the jetlag

ummm, just got back from kyoto and saw something on the internet that said the bruins are going to the final four? what? is this a dream?

memoirs of a tourist

memoirs of a tourist
Originally uploaded by lornababy.

more kyoto via cel phone camera.

kyoto

kyoto
Originally uploaded by lornababy.

dig that cel phone camera resolution. what is that? 10 whole pixels?

proof

test
Originally uploaded by lornababy.

i'm here! here's photographic evidence of steve & mina!

Moute Kicks Boute

Can you believe it! I put on my Moute Kicks Boute shirt and just believed. Luc repaid me by coming up with the winning basket and the crucial steal at the end...and he made that fucking porn-stache freak Adam Morrison cry like the little girl that he is! I am exhausted from the jumping and hoarse from the screaming and my neighbors are probably about ready to call the cops, but I don't care! MY BRUINS are going to the Elite 8 for the first time since 1997! Now all I have to do find a place in Tokyo to watch the game...oh yeah, and pack!

P.S. How classy is Arron Afflalo to go pick Porn-Stache Cry Baby up off the floor? Note the conspicuous absence of Gonzaga teammates around Morrison in his moment of shame.

scary

if this is not intimidation, i don't know what is.

watch this space

haven't had too much time to post recently, as i spent the weekend in rancho mirage with my grandmother and simultaneously trying to get ready to get out of town (out of the country, actually) on friday morning. anyway, me & the long suffering husband are off to japan and i'm taking a digital camera and my laptop (among other things) so that i can post some cool travel log type things while i'm there. so, check this space often...

when i say go, you say lakers

Kobe
Originally uploaded by lornababy.

can you believe these seats?! this was a once-in-a-lifetime treat and we had a blast. lakers lost, but it was still a pretty good game. plus, it was great to see former bruin earl watson (standing to the left of kobe and forever lovingly known to us as monchichi) even if he was playing for the sonics. anyway, you can check out the ol' flickr page for some more photos of the game. go lakers!

p.s. in other news, we got home to find out that our bruins got a number 2 seed for the ncaa tournament. 2??? 2!!! couldn't be happier! go bruins!

more dog pics

the dogs were being unbearably cute this morning, so i snapped a few pics. there's a few more up on my flicker page. here's some unbearable cutness for your saturday morning...



n.b., i generally do not dress up the dogs, but the shirts were in a box on the floor and multy walked up to the box and actually pulled his hawaiian shirt out of the box. he loves it. the dog is john waters; what more can i say?

u-c-(clap clap)-l-a

ucla men's basketball is back - it's official! we're 2006 pac 10 champions for the first time in nine years and almost got the pac-10 award hat trick with the freshman of the year award for our cameroonian prince luc-richard mbah-a-moute [moo-tay] (still waiting for my moute kicks boute t-shirt to come in the mail) and the coach of the year award for ben howland. arron aflalo and jordan farmar were named to the all pac-10 team. here's to good things to come for my bruins in the upcoming pac-10 tournament and the big dance. goooo bruins!

peanut butter etouffee...

...and other food oddities. an exercise in food blogging undertaken by my mom, my aunt and myself, in which we generally provide a transcript of a one of our typical family gatherings (make food, eat food, talk about food we've eaten, talk about food we've made, talk about food we'd like to make, talk about food we'd like to eat, etc.). check it out.

Peanut Butter Etouffee

the cleptocracy

i have been saying it for months, maybe years: the only difference between the current bush administration and the ferdinand marcos administration in the philippines is laura bush probably doesn't have 3,000 pairs of shoes. well, that and george (the tanned vampire) hamilton doesn't seem to be hanging out with dubya all that much. anyway, the current administration is nothing but a bunch of crooks that are in it to make money for themselves and their giant corporation friends. case in point: halliburton. 'nuff said.

so, ever since this dubai ports debacle broke in the news, i have been asking, "where's the money? what fobs (friend of bush) are getting rich off this?" well, i think i just found them, and they're all related to treasury secretary john snow and railroad and shipping conglomerate, csx. here's an interesting blog post or two pointing out the connection between snow, csx and dubai ports world, who just bought p&o.

in february 2005, csx sold their ports business called, csx world terminals, to dubai ports international for more than $1.1 billion, see page 3 of csx's 10K.

dubai ports world was later formed from the dubai port authority and dubai ports international terminals.

a dubai ports world executive was appointed by dubya on january 24, 2006 to be our country’s maritime administrator, in charge of our nation’s ports, among other things.

dubai ports world just purchased p&o on february 13, 2006. snow’s treasury department just gave the ok on the p&o sale to dubai ports world. john snow, current treasury secretary, was chairman and ceo of csx until he took the treasury job in january 2003.

so, basically, you work for a big company, then you get put into a position of power in the administration where you can use your power to do favors for that company and its friends. that’s how it works. at the very least, you have a glaring conflict of interest.

there’s also an interesting carlyle group connection, although they don’t seem to be directly related to the dubai port deal. interesting to note that csx is also in bed with the carlyle group, which is, in turn, in bed with the bush family. it’s how dubya will make all his money...when daddy bush shuffles off this mortal coil. you will remember the carlyle group from the infamous michael moore movie, Fahrenheit 9/11, they are longtime fob's. in fact, dubya used to sit on their board (until he was asked to leave) and daddy bush was a “senior advisor” until he retired in october 2003 and is still a shareholder. in addition to the substantial saudi connections to carlyle, the group is also making a ton of money off the united arab emirates, who invested about $8 billion in the carlyle group in 2005, through the uae government backed company, dubai international capital. in february 2003, csx sold the majority interest of their container shipping lines, called csx lines, to the carlyle group, forming a joint venture called horizon lines, which was later sold. see page 4 of csx’s 2004 10K.

have you heard anything about this on the msm? no. only knee-jerk, racist hysteria about arabs being in charge of american ports. and the msm and republican lapdogs are doing exactly what bush’s handlers want. they don’t want you looking at the real issue, which is how the bush administration are using our government to make themselves and their friends rich. wake the fuck up, people.

settle any argument

http://www.googlefight.com/

suprisingly addictive

happy mardi gras

in the immortal words of the radiators (who are probably still on stage from last night): "party til the money runs out."

in other news, the cioppino gauntlet was thrown down at the weekend and, within hours, the challenge has been accepted from tombstone tumbleweed. someone please buy her house.

better late than never

finally got around to converting the pics i took of my dia de los muerto altar...last november 2. the altar was my best ever, with marigold garlands added to the mix. the photos were not so good, though. here's the best wide shot. two other pics up on flickr.

a cioppino challenge...

...from tombstone tumbleweed, as found in one of the comments on my blog...

"But I thought I made the best cioppino in the world. Mine does rival those made in the finest joints in SF. We should have a cook-off once I move closer to you."

bring. it. on.

day job

normally, articles in the msm about immigration are barely researched, poorly written and, often, just plain wrong. however, i found an article that is actually pretty good, about a top indian scientist who was given all kinds of grief at the u.s. consulate in chennai. as background, his field of research (chemistry) makes him eligible for something called the technology alert list but any consular officer worth her salt would be able to review his c.v. and previous visa history and see that there are no weapons implications and issue the visa without having to get a clearance from department of state. at any rate, it is a good example of how the consular officers treat applicants: they start with the assumption that everyone is lying and go from there. and if that's is how they treat a distinguished scientist, imagine how they treat the average person. this is why i hate my job.

maxwell's silver hammer

just listening to "abbey road" and remarking to myself, "damn, maxwell's silver hammer is such a good song!" it's so f'ing wierd, but then the music is all cute & poppy, which just accentuates the dark lyrics. i love that song. i guess that' s why i named my dog after it. no kidding, that's max's official registered name with the akc. here he is in all his extreme closeup glory (this is basically what i see when i first open my eyes in the morning).



p.s., i put up links to multy & max's dogster sites on the right...

what is this world coming to?

ok, so i'm at the movie theatre (to see syriana, by the way, and i'm still trying to figure that shit out) and the theatre has this pre-show "adver-tainment" that basically has all these ads that you aren't supposed to think are ads, interspaced with, you guessed it, more ads. annoying, but pretty easy to ignore. but at one point they have this really annoying ad for this ky 2-in-1 warming body massage and personal lubricant (it's a floor polish; no, it's a dessert topping). ok, there are so many things wrong with that, i don't know where to start. why do i have to see this uptight yuppie bitch talking about personal-f'ing-lubricant when i'm in a movie theatre!? but it's ok, this gets funny. the commercial cuts to a shot of the entire product line at the end and one of the products is called "paris twilight" and i wasn't exactly paying attention so i read it really fast and i thought it said "penis twilight" and i was all "no they didn't." then i realized that it said "paris" not "penis" and i totally lost it. i mean, totally lost it, laughing so hard i couldn't breathe or even sit up in my chair, tears running down my face, people looking at me, husband trying to pretend that he's not with me - that kind of laughing. so, thank you ky for that moment, but: one, please keep your ads out of the movie theatres (at least normal movie theatres); and two, you may want to rethink using the word "paris" in your advertisements. i'm still laughing.

new pics up on flickr...

...this is one of the cutest, if i do say so myself. check 'em out, flickr link to the right.

I hate it when...

...I hear a song I like playing in an elevator or in a supemarket or mall or something. It makes me wonder about my taste in music.

Sent wirelessly via BlackBerry from T-Mobile.

puppybowl

couldn't be buggered to watch the superbowl, but did catch most of animal planet's puppybowl 2. favorite part: the bowl cam, in which a camera is placed looking up from the bottom of the water bowl and you get to see puppies drink. least favorite part: kitten half time. and from what i've heard about the actual superbowl game, this was actually time well spent.

mustang sally

just found out that wilson pickett died today at age 64. so young! i first found out about wilson when i was in college and saw the movie "the commitments," which I credit as the beginning of my now lifelong appreciation for soul, r&b and the blues. so, "in the midnight hour" has a special place in my heart. and wilson is also responsible for another of my theme songs, "mustang sally," which is dear to my heart from driving around in a mustang for the better part of 10 years. but it really was my song of choice when i was fortunate enough to be tooling around town in this little sweetheart, my dream car and my future inheritance, during the summer of 2004. (as an aside, is it wierd to have theme songs? is it even wierder that i have theme songs only related to cars that i drive? i don't think i will have another one soon, though, unless someone rights a song about an acura. i also suspect this may be my aunt's theme song, too, and i'll hope she'll put a picture of her rad fastback up on her blog. anyway, back to wilson...)

so, in honor of wilson, get "mustang sally" rockin' on your cd player, ipod, or whatever, at top volume and have a good jam to send wilson off:

Mustang Sally, think you better slow your mustang down.
Mustang Sally, think you better slow your mustang down.
You been running all over the town now.
Oh! I guess I'll have to put your flat feet on the ground.

All you want to do is ride around Sally, ride, Sally, ride.
All you want to do is ride around Sally, ride, Sally, ride.
All you want to do is ride around Sally, ride, Sally, ride.
One of these early mornings, oh, you gonna be wiping your weeping eyes.

I bought you a brand new mustang 'bout nineteen sixty five.
Now you come around signifying a woman, you don't wanna let me ride.
Mustang Sally, think you better slow your mustang down.
You been running all over the town now.
Oh! I guess I'll have to put your flat feet on the ground.

All you want to do is ride around Sally, ride, Sally, ride.
All you want to do is ride around Sally, ride, Sally, ride.
All you want to do is ride around Sally, ride, Sally, ride.

thanks, wilson!

FUCK $C - yeah, i said it!

proud to be a bruin tonight! proud to wear my "i heart vy" (vince young) shirt and rub some salt in $c's football wounds. and so proud to watch our team out score, out rebound, out run, out class and just generally humiliate u$c from jordan farmar's ice-water-in-his-veins 3 point shot literally seconds into the game to the crowning glory of seeing kelvin kim subbed in near the end (you know the team you're playing is bad when our scrappy korean walk-on and crowd favorite gets court time). it was a joy to watch arron aflalo's intensity on offense and defense. i couldn't have been more thrilled to see luc-richard mbah a moute (who else has royalty on their team?), alfred aboya and ryan wright pulling down rebounds, blocking shots, forcing turnovers and generally making huge plays. darren collison's quickness brings a tear to my eye as i recall the good ol' days of tyus edney! it was great to witness mike roll coming into his own and in the starting lineup again. and i practically fainted at ryan hollins' two, yes two, no really, i'm telling you, two dunks in one game! i know cedric bozeman, josh shipp, lorenzo mata and michael fey were dying to be on the court, too, and we really miss seeing them play.

so, here's to my bruins. thanks for that game, you made us proud. we really needed that win to remind us that we are indeed the mighty bruins!

and as for $c's coach, let me just tell you that his technical foul was not for crumpling up his game plan and throwing it to the ground, it was for kicking the basketball as it was rolling towards ref and he should have been thrown out for it instead of that cheap technical foul.

http://sports.espn.go.com/ncb/recap?gameId=260180026

scarf

scarf
Originally uploaded by lornababy.

this is what happens when you leave my relatives alone with my christmas present and a digital camera...

mlk day

just in case you have never heard or read the entire "i have a dream" speech by martin luther king, jr., here is a great link with audio and text:

http://www.americanrhetoric.com/speeches/Ihaveadream.htm

how would mlk feel if he were alive today? would he think that progress has been made in the areas of civil rights and equality? i'm tempted to think not, if we judge today's situation by the standards that he set out in his speech:

"There are those who are asking the devotees of civil rights, "When will you be satisfied?" We can never be satisfied as long as the Negro is the victim of the unspeakable horrors of police brutality. We can never be satisfied as long as our bodies, heavy with the fatigue of travel, cannot gain lodging in the motels of the highways and the hotels of the cities. We cannot be satisfied as long as a Negro in Mississippi cannot vote and a Negro in New York believes he has nothing for which to vote. No, no, we are not satisfied, and we will not be satisfied until 'justice rolls down like waters, and righteousness like a mighty stream.'"

other than the desegregation of hotels and restaurants (thank you, commerce clause) and the fact that african americans can now vote in mississippi, but apparently not in presidential elections in florida, what has changed? this country has let dr. king down. this country has let itself down. we owe dr. king and ourselves much more.

I love to hate u$c...

...they make it so easy. Here's the latest: a photo from the Rose Bowl game showing a dumbass USC "Song Girl" cheering as Texas scores! Since the cheerleaders and football players are all "Exercise Science" "majors," you think that they would spend at least one class on the rules of the game. "OK, Buffy, don't make me go over this again. When the other team scores, you DON'T cheer."

(Thank you, Dean from KROQ for pointing me to the Wizard of Odds blog: http://thewizardofodds.blogspot.com/2006/01/those-brilliant-usc-song-girls.html#links)

theme song

i forgot that i had a theme song; thanks for reminding me, ipod. it's calld "bitchin' camaro" by the dead milkmen and it goes a little somethin' like this:

BITCHIN CAMARO, BITCHIN CAMARO
I ran over my neighbors
BITCHIN CAMARAO, BITCHIN CAMARO
Now it's in all the papers.
My folks bought me a BITCHIN CAMARO with no insurance to match;
So if you happen to run me down, please don't leave a scratch.
I ran over some old lady one night at the county fair;
And I didn't get arrested, because my dad's the mayor.
BITCHIN CAMARO, BITCHIN CAMARO
Doughnuts on your lawn
BITCHIN CAMARO, BITCHIN CAMARO
Tony Orlando and Dawn
When I drive past the kids, they all spit and cuss,
Because I've got a BITCHIN CAMARO and they have to ride the bus.
So you'd better get out of my way, when I run through your yard;
Because I've got a BITCHIN CAMARO;
And an Exxon credit card.
BITCHIN CAMARO, BITCHIN CAMARO
Hey, man where ya headed?
BITCHIN CAMARO, BITCHIN CAMARO
I drive on unleaded.

(i miss my bitchin' camaro.)

One and nothing equals one

This is for all of you U$C brats and bandwagon-jumpers who have been yelling all season long that you were going for the national championship "three-peat." I know that they don't teach you anything useful at the University of Second Choice, so here's a little elementary math lesson: one and one equals two, not three. You have to have won two previous national championships to go for a "three-peat" and, as the picture above so plainly demonstrates (thanks to Bruin Report Online poster "uclaxray"), U$C only had one. And, actually, after last night's game, one and nothing equals one! So, shut up about your football dynasty...one national championship is just, well, ordinary. Come back to me when you have ELEVEN and then maybe we'll talk!

LOOO-HOOO-SERS!

Texas 41
U$C 38

As my coffee mug says, "My two favorite teams are UCLA and whoever's playing U$C." I'd never thought I say this, but, man, I LOVE TEXAS right now!!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you, Vince Young! $C's been walking around town acting like they've already won this thing for the past four weeks, so thanks for wiping that smug grin of Pete Carroll's face. Let's hope this is the beginning of the end for $C. Fuck SC! Here's a link to the t-shirt that I purchased last night to celebrate! http://www.cafepress.com/buy/university%20texas/-/pv_design_details/pg_9/id_9344146/opt_/fpt_/c_/hlv_t

a moment of silence, please

"Crystal Hot Sauce Maker To Leave New Orleans

The famous Baumer's food sign and plant that is visible from the Pontchartrain Expressway may not be there much longer.

Baumer, which bottles Crystal Hot Sauce and other famous condiments, announced that it?s leaving New Orleans after more than 60 years.

Alvin Baumer Jr., the owner and plant president, said he's moving out of Orleans Parish after 5 feet of water inundated the Mid-City plant.

Baumer won't say where the new plant will be located, only that he's been looking for a new location for the past year."

http://news.yahoo.com/s/wdsu/20051222/lo_wdsu/3138144

phrases, etc.

Phrases to go with my new "gesture":

Hey, what's that?
Look up!
[nothing, just looking beatific]
...and another thing...
I have an idea.
J'accuse! (my personal favorite)
Peace.
Stick 'em up!

Excuses for that "gesture":

I just got initiated into the Yakuza.
I am not a good chainsaw operator.
Hatchets should not be juggled.
I made a small sacrifice to the football gods (which was, apparently, ignored).


[i'll add more as they come to me]

bakersfield maltese?

ok, i can't figure out how to get the video to play direct on the blog, but you have to check this link out: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-1058608017240976795&q=maltese

wwjd?

hold 'em to it

so, i think i've found a new policy that we should use to counter the creationists, it's called "hold 'em to it," and we should make them be logically consistent with their beliefs.

this letter to the editor published in the san luis obispo tribune on 11/6/05 describes one application of theory quite eloquently:

"Some don't need vaccine

Recent news about the avian flu virus has raised concerns from main street to the White House. There is the possibility, even likelihood, that the virus will mutate into a form that can more easily infect humans.

As the president pointed out, a vaccine cannot be made until this evolution occurs. This raises the concern that it may be impossible to create enough vaccine fast enough to protect all our citizens. But there is hope.

Gallup polls tell us that up to 45 percent of Americans don't believe in evolution. Since random mutation is the engine of evolution, these same people must believe that the virus cannot mutate.

Therefore, there is no need to waste vaccine on folks who believe there is no possible threat to themselves -- thus leaving a sufficient supply for the rest of us. Perhaps the president, given his doubts about evolution, may wish to demonstrate his leadership by foregoing vaccination.

This approach has added benefits. Polls also tell us that disbelief in evolution is more pronounced among the less educated, the poor and conservatives. If the anti-evolutionists among these groups were to opt out of vaccination then, through immediate deaths and natural selection, we would reduce poverty, raise educational attainment and become a more progressive society.

Steve Anderson
Arroyo Grande"

what time is it?

i'm a geek, but i absolutely love the "world time server" site:

http://www.worldtimeserver.com/current_time_in_US-SD1.aspx

i'm famous

well, not exactly, but adam curry did read my email to him on daily source code 270 (10/31/05). you can hear it here:

http://mp3.dailysourcecode.podshow.com/DSC-270-2005-10-31.mp3

(it's at about the 20 minute mark if you don't want to listen to the whole thing.)

and yes, contrary to my prediction on 3/26/05, i am still listening to podcasts (and, somewhat remarkably, still blogging)! the addition of a combined aggregator and podcast directory in itunes 4.7 really helped. i barely listen to "commercial radio" anymore. i spend a few minutes in the morning listening to kevin & bean out of loyalty and that's about it. this podcast thing is entertainment on demand, like tivo for your radio, but with better content. my only problem is finding enough time to listen to all the stuff that i subscribe to. if you are not subscribing to podcasts yet, what are you waiting for?

in case you care, here's a list of podcasts i subscribe to. they are definitely worth checking out and you can find them all on itunes:

daily source code (obviously)
the word nerds
5 minutes with wichita
the weekly presidential radio address [parody]
grape radio
good food
le show
immigration fridays
mugglecast
the roadhouse podcast
digital flotsam
colonial williamsburg podcast

Freeway

Too many god damn people in so cal , specifically on the 10 and 60 freeways.

Sent wirelessly via BlackBerry from T-Mobile.

buddy the wonder mutt

the devil's left nut

man, how i'd love to smack the smirk right off of tommy boy's face...

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/1020051delay1.html


oh, and one of my favorite websites (awful plastic surgery.com) thinks tommy's uneven nostrils are the results of a botched nose job...

http://www.awfulplasticsurgery.com/

it's a family thing

now my aunt is in on the act...

http://tombstonetumbleweed.blogspot.com/

my new favorite band

http://www.h1bees.com/home.html

freefallin'

http://www.yeeguy.com/freefall/

Photographic evidence

Ain't it sweet?

It's a great day to be a bruin!

UCLA 47
Cal 40

Sent wirelessly via BlackBerry from T-Mobile.

ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

ok, she's had her blog for like 5 minutes, and already she's changed it. here's the new link...

http://frenchbenefits.blogspot.com

welcome

welcoming my mother (yes, my mother) to the world of blogging. now i don't have to call her to find out what's going on!

http://retirement.blogspot.com

(this will stay up on the sidebar)

woo-fucking-hoo!

tom de lay indicted again. it couldn't happen to a nicer guy...

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9583433/

obey

obey the maltese! we all know dogs are really in charge. here's a great website that let's you buy a t-shirt to prove it... www.obeythepurebreed.com.

Things I hate...

I hate it when you are standing at a light waiting to cross the street and you have already pushed the button for the "walk" signal and then someone comes up and then presses the button. Why? Do they assume you are stupid and did not press the button?

I REALLY hate it when someone SEES you press the button and then goes and presses it AGAIN right after you. Why???? If smacking a person in the head when they do that is wrong, I don't want to be right.

is that the sound of chickens coming home?

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9507677/
http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=578&u=/nm/20050928/pl_nm/delay_dc_7

Oh, happy day! Tom DeLay has been indicted. In case you are wondering why you really need to hate Tom DeLay (aka The Devil's Left Nut), consider this quote from the above-linked MSNBC article:

"TRMPAC’s money and expertise helped Republicans win control of the Texas legislature for the first time since the post-Civil War Reconstruction era.

At DeLay’s urging, the legislature then conducted a controversial remapping of congressional districts that resulted in more Republicans from Texas being elected to the U.S. House of Representatives."

Can you imagine DeLay on the witness stand: "Illegally funneling political contributions to solidify a Republican majority in Congress? Was that wrong?"

i can't believe it's not jesus

oh for fuck's sake. pat robertson has a diet shake. wtf? wtff?

and here's the buried lead, more than halfway through the article:

"In large type on the front of the can, the product is labeled 'Pat’s Diet Shake.' In smaller type on the back, it is identified as 'Dr. Pat Robertson’s Diet Shake.'

Robertson is not a medical doctor, but he does have a law degree , known formally as a juris doctor, from Yale Law School."

i guess its not misrepresentation if you're doing it for jesus.

http://home.hamptonroads.com/stories/story.cfm?story=90919&ran=99033&tref=po

memo intended for turdblossom

an article posted at rawstory.com shows a copy of a memo allegedly accidentally faxed from congressperson lamar smith's office to a democratic congressperson's office, originally intended for karl rove. i am not sure this is authentic. the site says it is. do people really send faxes anymore? does karl rove run the entire presidency now?

one of mr. smith's more interesting statements from the memo:


"Enforcement of immigration laws, current and new, should come first to satisfy the increasing public demand for border security. It will not be enough to pass enforcement bills this fall that will take a year or two to produce results. Current laws need to be better enforced so the American people see results immediately. (Liberals can easily and accurately be painted as opposing enforcement). Only then as enforcement begins to gain traction, should the twin subjects of guestworkers and long-time illegal residents be addressed." [Emphasis added.]

Axis of evil

Just saw a T-shirt that represents everything that I hate in this world.

It said:

Bush - Leinart '04

fuck that

Sent wirelessly via BlackBerry from T-Mobile.

Victory is ours!

UCLA 41
Oklahoma 24

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People 'dat ain't from 'dere just don't understand!

You might be from New Orleans if...
You're out of town and you stop and ask someone where there's a drive-thru daiquiri place, and they look at you like you have three heads. You drive your car up onto the neutral ground if it rains steadily and heavily for more than two hours. You call the 'Median' the 'Neutral Ground.' You have flood insurance. The four seasons of your year - crawfish, shrimp, crab and oyster. You greet people with , "Howzhyamomma'an'em?" and hear back, "Deyfine, darlin!" Someone asks for an address by compass directions and you say it's Uptown, downtown, backatown, riverside or lakeside. Your burial plot is six feet over rather than six feet under. You know the Irish Channel is not Gaelic-language programming on cable. You can pronounce Tchoupitoulas but can't spell it. You don't worry when you see ships riding higher in the river than your house. You have no idea what a turn signal is or how to properly use it. You can cross two lanes of heavy traffic and U-turn though a neutral ground while avoiding two joggers and a streetcar, then fit into the oncoming traffic flow while never touching the brake. You can consistently be the second or third person to run a red stop light. You've been rear-ended 10 times by people with no insurance. You get off the stoop, walk down the banquette and cross the neutral ground to go get a sno-ball. You know better than to drink hurricanes or eat Lucky Dogs. You consider a Bloody Mary a light breakfast. The major topics of conversation when you go out to eat are restaurant meals that you have had in the past and restaurant meals that you plan to have in the future. You judge a po-boy by the number of napkins used. The waitress at your local sandwich shop tells you a fried oyster po-boy dressed is healthier than a Caesar salad. You know the definition of "dressed." You can eat Popeye's, Haydel's and Zapp's for lunch and wash it down with a Barq's and several Abitas, without losing it all on your stoop. You have gained 10 or 15 pounds permanently, but you don't care anymore. You think "drinking water" when you look at the Mississippi River. The smell of a crawfish boil turns you on more than Chanel #5. You enjoy sucking heads more than sucking face. You burl crawfish or fry them in erl, and pack the uneaten tails in furl. Then you wrench your hands in the zinc with an onion bar to get the crawfish smell off 'em. There is a St. Joseph lucky bean in you mama's coin purse. When you speak with a tourist, he asks, "Are you from Brooklyn?" You're not afraid when someone wants to "ax" you. You were born at Baptist, raised in Metry and hang with Vic and Nat'ly. You go by ya mom-ne-ems on Good Friday for family supper. You don't learn until high school that Mardi Gras is not a national holiday. You push little old ladies out of the way to catch Mardi Gras throws. You leave a parade with footprints on your hands. You believe that purple, green and gold look good together-you will even eat things those colors. Every time you hear sirens you think it's a Mardi Gras parade. You go buy a new winter coat and throw your arms up in the air to make sure it allows enough room to catch Mardi Gras beads. You have a parade ladder in your shed. Your finest china has Endymion written on it. Your first sentence was, "Throw me something mistah," and your first drink was from a go-cup. You wonder what Anne Rice has against a building that looks like a Mardi Gras float. You have a special set of grungy, well-broken-in shoes you refer to as your "French Quarter" shoes. Every so often, you have waterfront property. Your last name isn't pronounced the way it's spelled. You believe Al and Anne are the Uptown version of Vic and Nat'ly. You know what a nutria is but you still pick it to represent your baseball team. You have spent a summer afternoon on the Lake Pontchartrain seawall catching blue crabs. You watch a movie filmed in New Orleans and say things like, "Dere ain't no way they can run out of a cemetery right on to Bourbon Street." Speaking of which, you haven't been to Bourbon Street in years. You have to buy a new house because you ran out of wall space for Jazz Fest posters. You drink Dixie, whistle Dixie and name your dog Dixie. You describe a color as K&B purple. You like your rice and politics dirty. You worry about deceased family members returning in spring floods. You reply to anything and everything about life here with, "Only in New Orleans." You have a monogrammed go-cup. A friend gets in trouble for roaches in his car and you wonder if it was palmettos or those little ones that go after the French fries that fell under the seat. You move somewhere else - and you feel like you are FROM Oz and you moved to Kansas.

[alas, i cannot take credit for this lovely work, it was forwarded to me about a zillion years ago.]

habeas what?

i wear black today in honor of the death of habeus corpus. apparently the "great writ" is now the "not-so-great writ."

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/09/09/AR2005090900772.html

on being poor

http://www.scalzi.com/mt2/mt-tb.cgi/3315

a good read

the blogosphere has indeed produced voluminous amounts of rambling shite (e.g., this blog), but there are some truly talented folks out there (e.g., matthew frederick davis hemming, aka cheeseburger brown). mfdh (http://mfdh.ca/) first caught my attention with "the darth side: memoirs of a monster," (http://www.darthside.blogspot.com/) a fictionalized, serialized first person account of darth vader's most personal thoughts and feelings. not a big devotee of fan fiction, i found "darth side" to be hilarious, insightful and downright cheeky. i was sad to see it end. imagine my surprise, however, when i went to the site to re-read some old passages (sick in bed, bored) and found that mfdh has a new project: simon of space (http://simonofspace.blogspot.com/), a serialized sci-fi novel "detailing the adventures of hyperspatial-amnesiac and gentleman-about-the-galaxy N. Simonithrat Fell." i am finding it addictive, as i am sure you will, too. an interesting facet is the comments section, where people are posting editing type comments, which, i feel, really rounds out the "online publishing" metaphor. also, people ask (generally) intelligent questions about the process of writing, etc., which mfdh responds to, making the story that much more interesting.

do you know what it means to miss new orleans

tipitina’s - café du monde - beignets & café au lait - f&m patio bar - lafitte’s blacksmith shop - abita beer - crystal hot sauce -mardi gras - dr. john - warehouse district - george porter, jr. - the radiators - kermit ruffins & bbq swingers - voodoo - rebirth brass band - the mardi gras indians - marcia ball - magazine street - semolina's - drive-thru daiquiris - michalopolous - commander’s palace - emeril’s - french quarter - french market - crawfish etouffe - red beans & rice - pat o'brien's hurricanes - po-boys - uptown - tulane - city park - audubon park - jazzfest - the howlin’ wolf - blue dog - the maple leaf - crawfish boils - harry connick, jr - garden district - tchoupitoulas - wedding cake house - muffuletta - central grocery - pralines - plum street snowballs -

add the things you miss about new orleans to the comments.

give a little to help rebuild the crescent city at http://www.habitat.org/disaster/2005/katrina/

Patti Labelle

Sitting next to Patti Labelle at gyu kaku restaurant in westwood. Oh, and John, too!
Sent wirelessly via BlackBerry from T-Mobile.

the way it is

i am livid knowing that congress can't be bothered to come back from vacation until later this week to vote on measures to help the victims of hurricane katrina when they sure enough all got back fast enough to vote on a measure to keep terry schiavo in misery. they will move heaven and earth to help one vegetable white woman in florida, but obviously don't give a shit about thousands of poor african-americans left behind by society and struggling for their lives in new orleans. for shame, congress. for shame.

if the federal government won't help new orleans, please let's help them ourselves. please give what you can to private relieve agencies helping out in the area. a good site to research all the different organizations and donate is the network for common good. http://www.networkforgood.org/topics/animal_environ/hurricanes/

Test

A test of the mobile blogger functionality.

i'm going to change the name of this blog...

...to "how dumb is our immigration system?"

here's a new one fresh off the wires from the aila liaison's service center operations liaison update (AILA InfoNet Doc. No. 05082660 (posted Aug. 26, 2005)):

"1. Schedule A Memo. There appears to be an error in the new Schedule A memo. At the end of page 6, the memo instructs that documentary evidence bearing on the application should be provided to the "appropriate USCIS office, i.e. the office where the Form I-140 petition has been filed." The Schedule A memo also instructs adjudicators to outright deny any petition where the notice was not posted within the 30/180 day time window. Assuming someone does not properly comply with the actual (versus misleading under the new schedule A memo) requirements regarding the content of the posting, such action cannot be "cured" because it will be outside the time window.

This instruction, however, is erroneous because the DOL regulations at 656.15(b)(2) state that Schedule A applications should comply with the posting requirements at 656.10(d). Section 656.10(d), in turn, states [at subparagraph (3)] that the notice should instruct that documentary evidence can be provided to "the Certifying Officer of the Department of Labor". The Schedule A memo is therefore wrong. The postings should reference DOL, not USCIS.
We understand that a corrected memo is being worked on. In the meantime, however, we are starting to see denials on this basis, in contradiction to the regulations. Can the Service Centers agree to follow the regulations, rather than the memo, on this point?"

i cannot reiterate enough how much i f'ing love my job!

petitioner or hostage

from an email from a colleague...

"The US Consulate in Guangzhou has requested the following: (1) have the USC Petitioner take a photograph holding a newspaper which clearly shows the date of the newspaper, (2) "notarize the photograph" (as translated from Chinese, I assume the Consulate means have the Petitioner make a written statement regarding the authenticity of the photograph and notarize the Petitioner's signature), and (3) send the "notarized photograph" and the original newspaper to the Consulate."

seriously, it's like a hostage photograph. this is ridiculous! in 2005 shouldn't there be a better way of doing this?

is this for real?

http://www.walken2008.com

freedom!

'nuff said.

this is why i hate my job

so, i'm at an adjustment of status interview with a client at the immigration service on thursday, july 7, 2005, and something happened that is just so unbelievable that i had to write it down. during the interview, the officer had the radio on in his office...that was tuned to the rush limbaugh show! i am not kidding. and, during the course of the interview, rush and callers were espousing anti-immigration views. seriously, i am not kidding. i couldn't make this stuff up.

london

come on, now, people. stop it. just stop it. right now.