Friday, May 27, 2005

dinner with james bond

so we had dinner with james bond last night. ok, well not exactly, but we were out to dinner at matteo's on westwood blvd. and timothy dalton was at the table next to us. he did have a very bond-like martini, but i wasn't able to hear if he said "shaken, not stirred" when ordering.

Thursday, May 26, 2005

true dat

"The most valuable function performed by the federal government is entertainment."

--Dave Barry

as someone whose entire professional career is dedicated to wrangling with the federal government, this incredibly apt observation brought a smile to my lips.

Wednesday, May 18, 2005


saw erasure at the avalon on sunday night. 15 years ago, i was using the assistance of a sherpa to hike up to my seats at the very highest point of the forum so that i could stare down at two dots on the stage that, i was assured, were supposed to be vince & andy. on sunday, i got to stand about 10 feet away from the stage. this is a new theory that we're trying out. if you just stay interested in a band long enough, they will eventually become less popular and you can see them in a small club.

erasure were fabulous. vince looks exactly the same and continues to act rather put upon throughout the show for having to wear all the costumes. he did appear to be dressed as a nazi for part of the show, what was up with that? andy was, as ever, flamboyant. he looks absolutely great and has not lost any of the energy. hiv and two replacement hips have not slowed him down. he sounded fabulous as well. he seemed to be having trouble with some of the high notes, but the rest of the vocals were album quality. he came out and sang a version of "ave maria" that would have made the pope cry, if he weren't already crying from the fact that andy was wearing a black sequined elvis jumpsuit with no shirt and body glitter. it was fabulous! they do a great mix of songs, having recognized that no one wants to hear anything from the unbearably depressing "erasure" or disappointing "love boat" albums, they stuck to the hits and the good songs from the new album. "Stop," "O L'amour" and "Sometimes" were outstanding and had the crowd jumping. The crowd was really into it all night and most of them were really cool.

however, some were complete morons and i have a few comments: first, don't act out the songs. do you realize how fucking stupid you look when you put your hand in the air and do the numbers for the "one and one was two, two and two were four" line in "ship of fools"? pretty fucking stupid is exactly how you look. just stop it. and to the pushy trannies who decided that they absolutely had to be in front of us for the encore, all of your tranny coolness points went right out the window when you acted out "i bet your mad at me, i see your eyes so blue" by pointing at your tranfriend and then at your eyes when mouthing the words. you look like an awful karaoke parody. who are you, anthony fucking federov without the trach scar? as dennis miller said (once, when he was still funny), "ain't no dance floor wide enough." which brings me to another point about pushy people. this one goes to the two midget bitches who thought that it was appropriate to push up and squeeze in the space front of us right before the band came on. first, there wasn't enough space for any people in that spot let alone you and your fat asses. that area was something called "personal space" which means, i am standing more than 4 inches behind the person in front of me so that i don't have to be smashed up against them for the length of the concert. i did not stand there for the better part of two hours, suffering through the shit opening band with a 19 year old singer channeling marc almond like no one in the crowd has ever heard a soft cell album fighting to leave a hairsbreadth of space between me and the person in front of me so that you two over-the-hill wannabe skanks could barge right up at the last minute and stand so close that i have to hold my breath so as not to be spooning you. and here's a fashion tip, just throw that tube top out, honey, because its too small and it mashes your saggy tits into a completely unflattering shape that the rest of us will have trouble getting out of our minds for a long time to come.

Friday, May 13, 2005

for the pimp who has everything...

forget gold teeth caps. forget spinning rims for your ride. you need gold teeth caps with spinning diamond wheels, playa.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Tuesday, May 03, 2005


this may be an understatement, i have recently felt very upset by the christian fundamentalist kick that this country is on. i am very offended by the religious right's attitude that i am not a worthy human being because i am not a christian. to be honest, i am not any religion. my family is catholic, but i had issues with that at about age 7 and they graciously let me abstain from further catholic activities. but that does not mean i am not a moral person. i feel that i can be a good, productive member of society and make the world a better place, even if i don't believe in god. i try to do right by the world, based on a foundation of respect for others. i support charities. i lend my services to pro bono causes. but i feel the religious right is winning the war of semantics by defining people like me as somehow wrong because we do not subscribe to their particular religious views. i stumbled across something online that may be the solution: humanism. i am not ashamed to admit that i have never heard of this before. it bears much more investigation.