i'm in a cement courtyard or plaza type area surrounded by buildings. for some reason i'm trying to wrestle a stick of dynamite away from someone, i don't know who and i can't see their face. i get the dynamite but in the process of doing so, the fuse drags along the cement and sparks. the fuse is now lit, it looks like a sparkler, and i start trying to put it out. i blow on it. it doesn't work. i lick my finger and thumb and pinch the fuse like a candle wick. that doesn't work and now i've burnt my finger. i try to stomp the fuse out. no luck. i wildly look around and see a fountain. i plunge the dynamite under water. it keeps burning under water and now starts burning faster. i have the idea to pull the fuse out of the dynamite. it doesn't work, it's like the fuse is welded in there. all the time, the fuse keeps getting shorter and shorter and i keep getting more and more panicked. i'm yelling for the person that i got the dynamite away from to help me, but they're gone. finally, the fuse is getting so short, i know the dynamite is going to explode, so i just throw it. it goes into a building and the building explodes. i realize the building is a hospital.this is the perfect metaphor for my job. people come to me with their problems and i have to help solve them and when their situation goes badly, it's suddenly all my fault, because, by helping them, regardless of the fact that i did everything right, regardless of the fact that i did everything i could to help them, regardless of the fact that they caused their own problems in the first place, i was the one holding the bomb when it blew up.
Saturday, July 21, 2007
calling dr. freud
usually my dreams are really weird and don't make a lot of sense. things that have been on my mind may percolate up and show up in the dream in little bits, but i rarely have one of those dreams where i wake up and know that my subconscious is trying to tell me something. well, i took a nap yesterday afternoon. cue dream sequence...